I have a small obsession with The Girls Next Door - you know, the reality show featuring Hugh Hefner's trifecta of busty blondettes being surprisingly sweet to each other. It's their distinctive lack of cattiness that I like - more, even, than their cute ditzy comments or their tiny costumey outfits. (I love tiny costumey outfits!)

The women of reality TV, on the whole, fall into one of two categories - they're either bitches or they're hos who enjoy a good catfight while wearing stilettos. Krista, Bridget and "#1 Girl" Holly are just like Paris Hilton ... except not totally fucking annoying. In other words, they look like Barbies, dress like Barbies, talk like Barbies, but they're Nice Barbies so I like them. In fact, if all women sleeping with the same guy enjoyed each other's company as much as they did, the world would be a very strange, BIg Love friendly place.

Speaking of the guy they're sleeping with (or so they claim, although I have my doubts), his 80th birthday was today, so I did my AM New York column on the old Viagra-popping goat.

In conclusion, will a Playboy publicist PLEASE invite me to the Mansion already??