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Must ... Refrain ... From ... Projectile ... Vomiting ...

Annoying Couple.jpg
Harvard does Yale?

If you thought The Times Weddings & Celebrations pages were bad (and I did) ...
The New York Observer has news for you, which I can basically sum up in one sentence:

You Will Never Be As Good As This Couple. Ever.

I actually wondered if it was some sick joke, given the following ACTUAL QUOTES taken from the article:

"When Sarah Mascareñas, a blond, blue-eyed bombshell Yalie (yes, they do exist), first walked into the law offices of Cravath, Swaine and Moore, where she was starting as an associate attorney, she was prepared for a hefty workload and a big paycheck. She wasn’t prepared for Doğan Perese, also an associate and a dreamy, dark-haired Harvard grad (yes, those exist too!) who couldn’t stop staring at her."

Oh. My. God.

The reporter continues:

"They began furiously I.M.-ing." Later "she BlackBerried him a dinner invitation." (umm ... that's hot.)

Because they work so hard (for that "big paycheck," remember?) the "lusty legals" (YES, ANOTHER ACTUAL QUOTE) missed their reservation.

Awww. What should they do??

Yalie got the bright idea of inviting Harvard to her apartment. " 'It’s so rare that anyone goes crosstown,'" Yalie said. “For you …. I’ll go across boroughs,” Harvard said.

Um, Yalie, listen up. For sex, most men - Harvard or not - would go across GALAXIES.

The story goes downhill from there ... basically, they tried to go to the Hamptons, again they were working too much, they decided they loved each other, they celebrated random anniversaries, then he proposed with a romance novel and a big hunk of blood-diamond while she thought about all the work she had to do back at the office.

They're getting married in September, and will commence planning the early acceptance of their progeny to Princeton, the one Ivy they sort of wished they had on their joint resume.

BTW, the Observer's caption on the photo of "dreamy, dark-haired" Harvard and "blond, blue-eyed bombshell" Yalie?

"Legally Blonde."

Noooooooooooooooooo ...

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Comments

I dunno, they're living in a studio and she needs some hot oil STAT.

. . . fine, you win. Where are my cigarettes?


Blood diamonds.

Yalies and Harvards.

I hate New York.

dude, i think i am going to gauge my eyes out right now.

now, where's that freaking spoon?

You shouldn't hold back from projectile vomiting ...That shit is nauseating.

And sorry, he isn't 'dreamy'.

Fucking yuppies.

If she's so perfect why didn't she remember to touch up her eyebrows for this picture?

Why are they described as hot? They are kinda ugly. Is this supposed to be ironic?

For all of their erudite taste, it is completely obvious that there is at one set of drapes that doesn't match the rug in this little apartment. Before looking like a smug car dealer and trophy wife in a society page photo, the lady of the house might have TRIED to hide that.

This falls into that huge pit call "who gives a flying fuck"... thanks for giving us another reason to hate people/humanity/the world. Yay! =)

They look dorky. Who posed them? The weak wrist, the crotch shot, the wild mane- totally unacceptable when they clearly have the means to hire a stylist.

On top of which, she's not a natural blonde. Her hair is too monotone to be natural, and you can see her roots. ie; Barbie's not so perfect.

I don't get it. They're not particularly good looking. Her hair is a fried mess. He is badly dressed. They wouldn't get into a club unless they paid to get in, and even then, they wouldn't get in to any cool places. And once you know people who work at firms like that, there's no glamour to it whatsoever.

I am jealous of Harvard/Yale. But the rest of them is eh.

Now, if he were an investment banker, we'd be talking more money. But these two aren't anything special.

It's good they can't get into a club without paying, as Mary says.

It actually makes them more human, as opposed to the pretentious monkey airheads of SoHo (think self-conscious vacant-stare I'm-so-pretty Kenneth Cole models) who are the epitome of cool in this town and who can get into said bulshit clubs.

For all those critisizing this article and these 2 lovers...well I can definately see your point about the authorship of the article just sucks ass. However what does this article imply about the training at those prestigous law schools in the United States. This poor couple should actually have been better lawyers and made sure they could proof and amend the article, picture and everything they possibly could have. If they had this prveldege before publication then they both suck ass as lawyers based of their lack of discretion, taste and common sense. Oh and from that picture she seems to have brown eyes not blue...Education in America has definately gone sub par.

Am I glad I missed that article. I think I would have ralfed in the lap of the MITer sitting next to me. :-)

If you guys liked the Observer article you need to check out their website! it is not a joke! http://perese.weddingwindow.com/index.cfm?fa=welcome

I would ask you to please remove the comments regarding my son and his fiance's wedding website. This is a beautiful event for them and for our family and we would appreciate that their event not be marred by exposure to such a barrage of sarcasm.

Wow. Some people are really green with envy here!

yeah, i dunno about the dry hair/dark roots fatale in the photo, but i actually met this guy briefly last summer. and he is the real mccoy. fiercely intelligent, strikingly humble and generous as all get out--just like his ultra-wealthy family. i didn't get it then, and i don't get it now. i'm only sorry for all the rest of us single women in the world that he was in such a hurry to hook up. . . really, it's a pity. not sure i get the valley girl thing either. he doesn't seem the kind. he speaks several languages flawlessly (not like many posers), etc. why would he want to hear three hours' carride of "ohmagawd" enroute to the vineyard on weekends? i'll stop now. this gushing is very unbecoming. . . so long, secret crush!

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