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Madonna: Clearly Not Over that Whole Horse Thing

Madonna Equestrian Alone.jpg

Last night I was subjected to the Madonna concert at Madison Square Garden, where temperatures in the stands hovered around 127 degrees.

Rumor has it that she asked to have the A/C turned off. I have NO IDEA WHY ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING WOULD DO THAT, but then again, "normal" is not an adjective often associated with Madonna.

If I sound grumpy, it's because I am. When one - or one's Boyfriend, as the case may be - pays serious $$$ to see the Material Mom perform, one expects the following:

1) Rigorous dance sequences
2) Innumerable costume changes
3) Songs I know the lyrics to (JUST SING "VOGUE" DAMNIT!!)
4) Lots of flesh

I know, I know. It's blasphemy to suggest that she didn't have, like, the most AMAAAAAZZZZING concert ever, ohmigod!!! After all, the NY Times and the Post didn't complain.

I'm a much tougher critic.

Sure, there were rigorous dance sequences - but Madonna only participated in a small portion of them, pawning off the hard work on her ridiculously chiseled, racially diverse, cargo-pants-wearing backup dancers.

Furthermore, the only classics she sung were Like a Virgin and Lucky Star (inexplicably set to the Hung Up melody). That really didn't do it for me. I wanted the entire damn Immaculate Collection.

And yes, there were costume changes, but the majority of the time she was completely covered, head to toe, in black equestrian-cum-S&M, Elizabethian style turtlenecks, jackets and thigh-high boots. I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on. First, it's a billion degrees.

Second, WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING 0% BODY FAT IF YOU'RE GOING TO COVER IT ALL UP?

I cheered when she stripped down to a pink leotard in the very last song. FINALLY.

Madonna Pink Leotard.jpg

All that having been said, the show may have been worth it just for the relentlessly flamboyant appreciative audience. The Stanford Blatch-esque guy behind me actually squealed: "Oh. My. God. I just CANNOT believe this. I am, like, sooooooo excited. OHMIGODDDDD. I LOVEEEEE HER. She's a LIVING LEGEND!!!!"

And - in my favorite moment of the entire evening - a lovely fellow in the front row held up a neon fuchsia sign that proclaimed in huge sparkly letters:

"MADONNA - You MADE me Gay!!!"

That. Is. Awesome.

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Comments

In my best cockney Lucky Star plays and I say, "I love this track." You have to be a fan of Guy Ritchie to get it. Obscure I know.
Julia, you totally got Gawked. Or Gawkered. Whatever. Anyway I'm so jealous you saw Madonna, how dare you say it wasn't a life-changing experience? So ungrateful! And IPP up there (OPP?), nice Snatch reference. Brad was totes hot in it.
last night was perfect. i heard a rumor that she asked to have the a/c off because of her voice.
I can't say that Madonna made me gay, but she's certainly cost me a fortune in latex.
Whoever held up that sign is a plagiarist. My friend created a shirt that said the same thing the previous night, and he was a hit.
just so you know, this was her confessions tour, not her reinvention tour...so why did you expect classics ?? i was there last night as well and i guess you're just too jaded to enjoy something such as her concert...the energy of the performace was second to none, i mean the crowd of 16,000 was on their feet almost the WHOLE 2 hours...must suck to be so holier than thou, that you just can't have fun.
Madonna is evolving, We are evolving, her new CD is life as it exists now; she already did her Greatest Hits tour it was called "The ReInvention Tour" two years ago. I don't expect to hear many of her old songs, what I expect is to see where Madonna is at in her life. Very enlightened I believe.
Great review.
What is your take on Andrea Schwartz?
"I can't say that Madonna made me gay, but she's certainly cost me a fortune in latex." QFT (and Julia QFT = Quote for Truth)

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