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Ooo Ooo Pick ME! Pick MEEEE!!!

I officially nominate myself, (see photo below, in Congressional office 5 years ago), for the Hill Intern Hotties Contest, sponsored by Wonkette, authority on Governmental Hotness (or lack thereof).

DC 2001.JPG

Okay, soooo ... actually, I'm not an intern on the Hill. In fact, although the photo above was taken during the inauguration (2001) at the Congressional office where I worked, I've never been an intern on the Hill. Which, I suppose, pretty much rules me out of the running. hmmm ... or DOES IT?

... thinking ...

Yeah. It does.

Damn. I would have schooled these beyotches. (Um, is that how you spell "beyotch"?) Okay. Maybe not. But as a nubile 19-year-old, I could have at least poured beer water on them. Or better yet, given their boyfriends' head. (kidding, mom, I'm KIDDING.)

Back in the day (way back, you know, like five years ago), I had taken a year off during college to work for my hometown Congressman as a legislative correspondent. I realize that means absolutely nothing to (most) normal people. Let me translate: I wrote lots of banal form letters to really angry constituents in which the primary objective was to pacify them without actually saying anything of substance and/or mentioning the word "Republican." (Which, oddly enough, was perfect practice for being a dating columnist.)

The whole "not being an intern" thing was a big deal to me then - it was a HUGE point of pride. I would go around shoving my business card in people's faces like: "Oh yeah, sucker?? You think you can tell me to go get you coffee? I may not be allowed to legally imbibe alcoholic beverages - yet - but I'M NOT A MOTHERF--KING INTERN!!!"

Okay, I didn't really include the expletive. But I was THINKING it.

That having been said, now that I'm older (practically dead, really), I find myself becoming nostalgic about the concept. There is a certain hotness about being - or having once been - the proverbial political intern. After all, there are very few times in a young woman's life in which she can arguably become one of the quintessential male fantasies. ("Cheerleader? Check. Schoolgirl? Check. Intern? Check. Bisexual Asian Porn Star? Uhhh ...")

And PS - This pretty much sums up what I really learned on the Hill:
"Beer before Liquor, Never Sicker. Liquor Before Beer, As Long as the Chief of Staff is Drunker than You, You're in the Clear." Thanks Uncle Sam!

Hawk & Dove, Washington DC, 2001.


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