Today I'll be on Fox News doing a blink-and-you'll-miss-it segment about a subject on the hearts and minds of the American people:

STAR JONES IS LEAVING THE VIEW

According to People magazine, "After The View cohost Star Jones Reynolds announced on the air Tuesday that she would leave the show in July, her network had a response: Leave now. "

Translation: "Get the F--k Out, You Big-Boned Biatch!" Um ... does this mean they won't do a montage?

Look, I rarely watch the View. My only connection is that I once met Barbara Walters and she bamboozled me with a really flattering comment that in no way could ever be true (I still fell for it because I'm a gullible sucker. And most people don't say nice things to me. Damn her!). I also met Star Jones, for about 160 seconds, and she didn't make nearly as flattering or fictitious of a comment, so you can see where my allegiance falls. Walters, obvi.

But from what I can gather, thanks to intensive research on Page Six, various clips off of YouTube, and general intuition is that people don't really seem to like Ms. Jones - sorry - Mrs. Reynolds-Jones. So I guess I'll just say that.

Whatever. I'd rather talk about THIS video instead:

Thanks to my fellow former-DC Hussy Jessica Cutler for bringing it to my attention. She always manages to have procrastination worthy activities on her blog, like looking at her naked stomach and various readers' dicks. Good times.