Alyssa Shelasky, New Dating Blogger, Once Close to Becoming Smug Married

Shelasky, in addition to having an incredibly un-sexy last name (uh, Alyssa, that's what pen names are for ... ), is now Glamour's new "dating blogger," a job which requires her to abide by reader polls on what she should do. It's like having to listen to your mom, except your mom probably has better advice.

(Full disclosure - I exchanged a few emails with the person hiring for this position, but that was when The Boyfriend was still a very solid presence in my life. And quite honestly, detailing how many times you went to bed before midnight in a given week does not a scintillating dating blog make.)

Anyway, it seems that Ms. 'Lasky has actually been engaged before - and naively allowed a newspaper known for making young lovebirds look profoundly idiotic to write about it.

I highly recommend clicking on the full Gawker story (at top), but if you're feeling too lazy, here are some choice excerpts:

It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

"Countdown to Bliss," NY Observer, Dec. 1, 2003

Alyssa Shelasky, a part-time public-relations manager at ABC Carpet and Home, is marrying Greg Mendelson, a green-eyed investment-banking analyst at CIBC World Markets who also has a talent for spin. "People are always telling us that we're the most amazing couple and they wish they had what we have," he said. "I think I'm pretty charismatic and sociable, and she's exactly the same way."

"We're two good eggs," said Ms. Shelasky, a svelte Columbia grad who also writes freelance "lifestyle" articles for places like the New York Post and is planning a laid-back ceremony at Loft Eleven. "It's a major deal that I found 'the one,' and that's the great part to me," she said. "The hors d'oeuvres and flowers are only going to be around for four hours of my life."

Both 26, they met during her birthday party at the Potion Lounge on the Upper West Side . At the time, she was dating a pretty rotten egg. "A fancy-schmancy lawyer -- this total prick, New York City prep-school kid. I was kind of wooed by that stuff," she said. "But then I saw Greg, and his eyes were so pretty, and he was so handsome and so tan!"

On Date No. 2, she brought him to the bar Vermouth and introduced him to the pleasures of a good martini ( hic!). "We were young," she said. "I thought it was so cute. I was like, 'Your first martini? There goes all your credibility in the banking world!' I told him that in four or five years, he'd be having them every night. But you know what? He's really not like that." Just wait till you're married, kiddo ...

Earlier this year, they moved into a Flatiron one-bedroom rental filled with a melange of trash finds and ABC Carpet items at deep discount.

Mr. Mendelson proposed on Nantucket while on a trip with the family.

The ring, a platinum band with three round diamonds totaling over two carats, came from her pals at ABC's estate-jewelry department. And that will be the third and final time we suckers plug that store.

But what happened to the platinum band with three round diamonds totaling over two carats???

Maybe, in honor of her new job, we should do a poll:

a) The "green-eyed," Nantucket-vacationing, Martini-virgin kept it ... obviously - what, like he's going to tap into his bonus for the next fiancée?? As if!

b) The "lifestyle" freelancer successfully negotiated it into her severance agreement. "I may only be a svelte Columbia grad, but I know how to keep my over-two-carat engagement rings if I suddenly decide that ole Good-Egg-Pretty-Eyes isn't The One anymore," she said. "Also, I'm the one that got the good deal from ABC Carpet."

c) "Her pals" at ABC Carpet demanded it back, despite the trifecta of plugs. "Indian Givers," she screamed at them. "I'll show you!! I'll write a dating blog for Glamour and NEVER MENTION YOUR STUPID STORE, NOT EVEN ONCE!!!"

My money's on "c" ...