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I Know What You Searched for Last Summer

("Barely Legal Asian Lesbian COEDs"?? You're so busted.)

Girl with Laptop.jpg

In another Big-Brother-Does-the-Internet moment, The NY Times published a rather disquieting article ("A Face is Exposed for AOL Searcher No. 4417749") yesterday about recording and publishing people's search strings on AOL "anonymously." Apparently the data isn't quite as anonymous as one would hope, given that a collection of searches have a tendency to reveal a lot about the searcher (Especially if you type in your own name repeatedly. Uh ... Not that I would ever do that.)

Thank god I use Google - otherwise, instead of the Times writing about Innocuous Old Lady Inquiries (Mrs. 4417749's: "numb fingers," "dog that urinates on everything," "thyroid," and "women's underwear"), they'd have material like "Super XXX college sluts," "Republican Drug Dealers" and "Naked Photos of Jon Stewart."

Okay, okay. I didn't search for any of those (although "Naked Photos of Jon Stewart" is tempting) ... but I was scared enough to take a look at my searches from the past three months (my web browser keeps them all). What conclusions would people draw if they were to take a random sampling?

Here are a few real, not-at-all-made-up-or-altered (seriously) search strings I actually entered (along with a helpful guide - in itals - as to what, exactly, I was thinking. If I was, in fact, thinking. Which I try to avoid.)

Ann Coulter demon-spawn (Self-explanatory.)
Ann Coulter devil (See above.)
Ann Coulter evil (See above, again.)
Divorce stats bible belt (I just love divorce. And hypocrites. But especially hypocrites who get divorced.)
Girl Underwear (Because I still think I'm 16 1/2 years old. Also, how else would I have found this?)
Glock (Just in case I have to, you know, bust a cap. or something.)
Hoodia (Only reason I can fit into size 4 clothing.)
Housing Works (You know, because I'm such a do-gooder. Sending books to poor people and shit.)
Jon Stewart's Real Name (It's "Leibowitzabaumrosenberg" ... okay, fine. Just "Leibowitz.")
J-Date (In case my current Jew doesn't work out.)
Julia Allison (Oh, c'mon - like you're surprised??!)
Playboy "college sex columnists" (I was doing an article on them! I swear!)
Population of Africa (Fodder for my debate on Fox News against a crazy woman claiming that Angelina Jolie was responsible for spreading AIDS in Africa. I just wanted to know how many people would die because of Brad Pitt's baby mamma. A lot, apparently.)
Proust (Yeah, I can't really explain this one.)
Push Up Bikinis (Hey - nothing wrong with a little help!)
Star Jones fights Barbara Walters (I would have added "in red jello" but that wasn't looking likely. A girl can dream...)
Supermodel Escorts (What? Like you haven't searched for them??)
Weater 60091 (Yeah, I meant "weather." Shut up.)

Comments

Where do you get your hoodia from? I've been trying to figure out where to buy it but am concerned about buying it online bc it might be a scam. I'd be much happier knowing someone else who has bought it for whom it has worked. Thanks! love the blog.
yeah, ditto to hilary's question!

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