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How I Spent Thanksgiving or Why There's No Column Today and I Actually Have a Good Excuse

I don't get sick EVER (well, unless you count PMS), but last Sunday I got hit with a massive case of strep, escalating to a Tuesday night - Wednesday day funfest at the ER.  What I learned:
1. Swallowing is totally underrated.  No, you sickies, get your minds out of the gutter.  I'm talking, like, the ability to swallow, you know, water.  Or your own saliva.  Food is nice, too.
2. Nothing like JUST NOT EATING the four days before Thanksgiving to make you completely willing to gorge.  Of course, by then your stomach has shrunk so much you can't.  I think I'm the only person in America who LOST weight over the holiday, despite all attempts to the contrary.
3. Thank goodess for camera phones or my editors probably wouldn't have believed me when I called repeatedly, insisting in a strangled voice that, really, I was going to try to get my column in, but, um, it wasn't looking likely.
4. I love morphine.

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