Haven't yet given to a charity this Christmas?  Consider me.

Reasons You Should Donate:

• So I don't have to run ugly ads.
• Because I pretty much qualify for food stamps.
• So I don't have to start selling drugs.
• Because as of January, I'm officially homeless.
• So I can one day afford health insurance.
• Because I'm not really in the mood to "write a book."

And yes, I got the idea from my friend Jessica Cutler, who's always maintained a button on her site with the tag: "Donate so I can Buy Slutty Clothes and Drugs!"  When I asked her a few months ago if people ACTUALLY sent money, she said "yes - but they sometimes want my panties too."  Um ... sounds pretty reasonable to me.  If anyone wants my panties, we can make a deal.  But you're not taking the comfortable ones.

(Update: Um, you do know that, like most things on this blog, I'm kidding.  Right?  Kidding.  Well, not about the donating part.  But about the panty selling.  That's a joke.)