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February 28, 2007

It's My Birthday, Bitches!

If you were wondering "Is Julia someone who would pose on a lifeguard station in Venice Beach while wearing legwarmers?"  wonder no more.


photograph by the talented David Sobel

I just felt this photo screamed "It's My Birthday, Bitches!"  like, O.C. style.  If the OC were filmed, say, in the crack den that is Venice Beach.  The Real, Real, REAL Venice-Beach-ish OC.

February 26, 2007

Julia's 16th-ish Birthday: T-2 days

So, the birthday is this Wednesday, Feb 28th, a date I find approaching with uncomfortable rapidity.  Especially since I want to have a massive party, hopefully involving a lot of tights and tiaras.  The problem, of course, is I haven't actually, you know, planned anything yet.  Um ... oops?  Right.

So I'm either going the "spontaneous" route or I'll have it next week and it will probably be just as shoddily-arranged, but not on my actual birthday.  Isn't there a way to have a fantastic party, without having to do any work at setting it up??  Where's MTV's My Super Sweet 16 when you need them, damnit!?!

Either way, it's going to be 80s themed and I'm wearing the dress below.  Because, c'mon, what's a birthday without a Poufy Sparkle Rainbow Dress with Ginormous Puffed Sleeves, singing along to Journey?  NOT A BIRTHDAY AT ALL.


photo by the fabulous Nikola, ambrel.net

MSNBC Tonight, 9:40 pm

Scarborough Country, baby.  Talking about Hollywood, probably this little "awards show" thing that happened last night.  Did you watch?  Me neither.

Actually, I attended New York mag's Oscar viewing party, although if "Oscar viewing" meant "sort of glancing occasionally at the TVs parked in the corner of the Spotted Pig while downing whole vats of cheese (the only non-meat thing they had on the menu), and gossiping shamelessly with various of my favorite reporters," then, yes, I viewed the Oscars.

Whatever, what's the point of having TIVO if you don't use it??  Besides, fast-fowarding through the boring speeches must be almost as gratifying as being that guy who cues the music to drown out a "talker."  Almost.

February 25, 2007

Porn and Swords Don't Mix

Not THOSE swords, you sickie.  The real kind.

For all you j-school grads, this recent AP story is a fantastic example of NOT burying the lede ...

PORN DVD SCREAMS PROMPT SWORD 'RESCUE'

OCONOMOWOC, Wis. — A man says he broke into an apartment with a cavalry sword because he thought he heard a woman being raped, but the sound actually was from a pornographic movie his upstairs neighbor was watching.

"Now I feel stupid," said James Van Iveren, who has been charged in the case.
Actually, I think it's sort of sweet.  If more neighbors brandished cavalry swords, we might decrease domestic violence (or vibrator usage) significantly.

Although I think my favorite part is further into the article, when it's revealed that "The neighbor later played for police the part of the DVD he believed Van Iveren heard downstairs."

I love that the police were like, "Um, yeah ... we're gonna need to, you know, watch that porn.  Just to see, of course.  Just doing our job.  Just investigating."

Right.

February 24, 2007

Today, FoxNews, 2:40 pm

Talking about Brit Brit and the big pile of crazy she's jumped into.

February 23, 2007

Tonight, FoxNews' Hannity & Colmes, 9 pm EST

Will be on Hannity & Colmes tonight discussing Anna Nicole Smith and the fake-crying douchebag judge who thinks he's destined for superstardom, CourtTV style.

To that I have one thing to say:
No.

Nothing Better than a Hollywood Bash with No Celebs


with the maddeningly sweet/thin Tinsley Mortimer at Radar's First Annual Hollywood Bash

I'm finally back from LA, but herewith (I just wanted to say "herewith."  I don't really know what it means.  But it sounds smart.) my Huffington Post write up of Radar's sorta-launch-y party Wednesday night in LA.

Right.  And here are a few extra photos from the event.  I would write more - specifically about the after party and how I had to explain WHO TINSLEY WAS to several clueless CAA agents - but I haven't actually slept in three days (with the questionable exception of five hours on the plane), so instead of attempting to match verbs with nouns, I'm going to crawl into bed and emerge on Sunday.  Or 10 am, whichever comes first.

February 21, 2007

My Father: Way Smarter / More Photogenic than Me



My dad, rocking it in Crain's Chicago Business this week.

February 20, 2007

Still in LA



I have a fairly strict rule on dogs: if they're over 12 pounds and not a shih-tzu, they're not really my type.  But this one, which I found at Barney's in Beverly Hills, I just sorta liked.  Maybe it was his "fuck you, I don't care if I need braces, I'm badass" attitude ... or maybe it was his drool.  But either way, I really, really wanted to take him home with me.  Or at least on a photo shoot.

February 19, 2007

Valentine's Day, tallied up


It's a week late, but here's my AM New York column on being a good sport about everyone's favorite romantic vom-iday (um, that would be a holiday that makes you want to vomit.  obvs).  The article basically boils down to this: at least you didn't spend the evening eating frosting out of a can alone.  Probably.

Anyway, that cheery crap was written before all of the men in my life forgot I existed last week.  Below, the inventory of what my suitors got me for Valentine's Day:

Uh ...

Nothing.

That's right - nothing.  No flowers.  No chocolates.  No Top 10 Email lists.  Nada.

Christ, even my PARENTS surprised me with a bright pink iPod.  And my grandma sent a card!  With a balloon, damnit!

Will someone please explain something to me?  Um ... EXACTLY HOW HARD IS IT TO SEND FREAKING FLOWERS????  HOW HARD??   TO A DATING COLUMNIST WITH WHOM YOU'D LIKE TO SLEEP???  IS IT REALLY THAT DIFFICULT TO PICK UP THE PHONE TO 1800FLOWERS AND SAY, 'YO, SEND OVER SOME OF THEM SMELLY PLANTS TO JULIA'??

I'm just saying.

**PS.  My birthday is next Wednesday, February 28th.  In other words: Don't send me flowers once, shame on you.  Don't send me flowers twice, 3rd base will be but a sweet and distant memory.

February 16, 2007

FoxNews Tonight 9pm EST (Hannity & Colmes)

I'll be on Hannity & Colmes tongiht from 9-9:30ish discussing the pneumatic but, alas, troubled life of Anna Nicole Smith.

I intend to bring up my mother's question, which she emailed to me yesterday:

Is her baby girl much better off without Mom, or much MUCH better off without Mom?

Hmmm

In LA

Okay, now that I look at my funny, oh-so-cleverly photoshopped pic, two things occur to me:

1) it's not funny. or clever.
2) I really need to find better ways to use my time.

Whatever.  It was either that or yet another swimsuit shot, and I think that after the Gawker photos, everyone's seen enough of my navel.  For this month, at least.

Anyway.  I'll be in LA for a week, frolicking in the ... umm ... sun-ish?  It's not exactly bikini weather there, but it'll do.

February 15, 2007

Gawker + Julia = 4Ever



Umm ... right.

Or until the next morning, when they wake up sober and disoriented, wondering why they ever got in bed with me.  Even if it could plausibly be construed as a hate f---k.

Enjoy the February Pinup photos here (caveat - NSFW ... or parents.)

And, er ... the "making of" video here.

In my defense, I was ... wait.  Nope.  Wasn't drunk at all.  Damn.

February 14, 2007

Better than a postcard



To see the rest of my debauched three days, click here.

And yeah, I drew that in the sand myself.  I simply cannot hold my abundance of creativity inside.

February 12, 2007

In St. Barth's



In St. Barth's starting 2/11 for a birthday extravaganza.  Back on Sunday Thursday Monday Tuesday Wednesday.  No, seriously, I've rebooked my flight FIVE freaking times.  Long story.

My Valentine's Day Gift To You ...

Yeah, I didn't get you roses.  Or candy.  Or a red iPod engraved "Will you just sleep with me already?"

But in honor of the upcoming holiday, I will give you the link to my first - and only - foray into acting.

That's right ... below, Georgetown Film Festival's Best Picture Winner 2004, DOGNAP.

The 'napped dog in question is, of course, my very own Lilly Priscilla, DC's best known shih-tzu.  As for me, well, I don't think casting directors will be banging down my door - I was told by the directors to "play myself" and as you can see, I'm not very good at it.  Also, my memorization skills top out at seven words, so it looks like I'll be sticking to jobs involving teleprompters ... Lilly, on the other hand, has four agents, two assistants and a driver.  Bitch.

Enjoy.

February 09, 2007

Today, FoxNews 4 pm

It seems that Anna Nicole Smith and her breasts are no longer with us.

So I'll be talking about that today on Neil Cavuto's show, 4 pm.

Personally, I blame TrimSpa.

Three Words: Tim Mother-Effin' Gunn

At the Cynthia Rowley fashion show yesterday ...


Me, Krystal and our BFF for 84 seconds, Tim Gunn.  He said he felt like a grandfather posing with us.  For the record, that is not what my grandfather looks like.

Later, during the afterparty at Star Lounge in the Chelsea Hotel, a girls' text-messaging summit ... and yes, that's a bow in my hair.  Because that is how I roll.

February 06, 2007

Miami Photos

I'm not what Malcolm Gladwell would call an "early adopter," per se (I still have the same Treo I bought 2 years ago), so I just recently jumped on the Flickr bandwagon.

In any case, instead of torturing you with photos on this blog, you can peruse them (or not) there.  The first batch is of my Miami Superbowl trip ...

Below, with Rich & Covino from Sirius Radio at the Maxim Party Friday night.

February 04, 2007

Best Valentine's Day EVER



Today's AM New York column, "Best Valentine's Day EVER," on making the holiday into a competitive sport.

From the Mean Streets of South Beach, go Bears.

A few supportive fan photos taken from Miami, in honor of Superbowl Sunday.

As the Bears tragically don't have cheerleaders of their own, I struggled to come up with an approximation of what their uniform might look like ... You can't see the orange hair ribbon I'm wearing, but I assure you, it made the outfit.

The cars are just an appropriately hued spirit bonus.