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Valentine's Day, tallied up


It's a week late, but here's my AM New York column on being a good sport about everyone's favorite romantic vom-iday (um, that would be a holiday that makes you want to vomit.  obvs).  The article basically boils down to this: at least you didn't spend the evening eating frosting out of a can alone.  Probably.

Anyway, that cheery crap was written before all of the men in my life forgot I existed last week.  Below, the inventory of what my suitors got me for Valentine's Day:

Uh ...

Nothing.

That's right - nothing.  No flowers.  No chocolates.  No Top 10 Email lists.  Nada.

Christ, even my PARENTS surprised me with a bright pink iPod.  And my grandma sent a card!  With a balloon, damnit!

Will someone please explain something to me?  Um ... EXACTLY HOW HARD IS IT TO SEND FREAKING FLOWERS????  HOW HARD??   TO A DATING COLUMNIST WITH WHOM YOU'D LIKE TO SLEEP???  IS IT REALLY THAT DIFFICULT TO PICK UP THE PHONE TO 1800FLOWERS AND SAY, 'YO, SEND OVER SOME OF THEM SMELLY PLANTS TO JULIA'??

I'm just saying.

**PS.  My birthday is next Wednesday, February 28th.  In other words: Don't send me flowers once, shame on you.  Don't send me flowers twice, 3rd base will be but a sweet and distant memory.

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