So while you guys were out doing normal Tuesday night activities - bowling, karaoke, tripping small rollerblading children with sticks - I was trapped against my will in a grungy lower east side tat parlor GETTING MY BELLY BUTTON FLESH PIERCED.

Yes, I lost a bet.  No, I will not tell you what the bet was.  Suffice it to say, it was a big one.  And although I am a winner, the small metal ... thing ... that is lodged within the circular indentation in my lower abs is a now constant reminder that even winners can lose.  And be forced to wear diamonds cubic zirconium in their body crevices.

I recorded the event for posterity, so you too can witness my face as the angry tat & piercing lady eagerly shoves a needle through my skin.  She loved every moment, let me tell you.  I, meanwhile, am contemplating hanging out in Staten Island, where I can bare my now bejeweled belly with pride.  Jealous?  That's what I thought.

The final result.  Classy, eh?  Britney Spears, WATCH OUT!