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Bachelorette Living, sans Cat.

So my favorite bronzed (rust-colored?) lady Emily over at Gawker just posted a list of the things comprising a single gal's bachelorette pad.  Being such a bachelorette, I thought I'd find out how accurate they were ...

  • Piles of magazines everywhere, comprised of tons of pretentious ones that are clearly untouched and then severely thumbed-through Vogues and Luckys
  • Piles of magazines, check.  Vogue (and Vanity Fair, O, Glamour, Elle, Real Simple, Wired, Details, New York, Newsweek, among others like, yep, my employers - Star and Time Out New York).  I did have a sub to The New Yorker (it was a gift), but it made me irritable every time I looked at it.  As for Lucky, hell no.  Even I have standards.
  • Overflowing shoe rack and nothing in the fridge
  • Shoe rack, check.  Several of them, at least one overflowing.  Nothing in the fridge - check.  (Well, technically, it contains frozen spinach.  And a Brita pitcher.  And 5 month old "beer for guests" because I don't really drink, and when I do, I definitely don't drink beer.)
  • Scented candles
  • Check, check, check, check.  Every room.
  • Slovenly heaps of little-used makeups in the bathroom
  • Oops, not so much here.  I definitely have heaps of makeup - safely stored out of sight.  But this falls under the I'm-Scarily-and-Abnormally-Anal-Retentive clause, so ...
  • Stuffed animals in the bed
  • Check.  A teddy bear, of course.  Always.
  • Cat hair on the furniture / cat smell
  • This would be a resounding check, except that I'm allergic, alas.  But I have a small white fluffy dog which at times people mistake for a cat.  Does that count?  I think I may get double points because I dress her up and take movies of her.
  • Cabinets full of mugs featuring the likeness of lady who looks like those hypertrophically-limbed Daily Candy illustrations, bearing the legend "I Love Shopping" or whatnot
  • Well, actually - nope.  I like things to MATCH, so all of my glasses are clear, except for one free Georgetown Alumni glass, which always annoys me, but I can't get rid of it, because then I would have an odd number of glasses.  Hmm.  Now that I put it into writing, that sounds a little crazy.  It's just ... they're all lined up nicely on the shelves in even numbers - which makes me happy.  Yeah, yeah, I know, I have issues.
  • Anything pink
  • Uh, CHECK times 50.  Times 500!  Times ... right ... you get the idea.  Look, to say I have a serious pink fetish is to say that perhaps Lindsay Lohan has a problem with substance abuse.  The pink fetish went dormant for the past two years (a result of having to live with a boyfriend, and after our subsequent breakup not having the cash to redo my place), but when I move to my next apartment, Bobby Trendy, watch out.
  • Ornamental pillows
  • Of course.  I own four of them.  Were pillows supposed to have another purpose?
  • Unedited bookshelves, esp. if they include He's Just Not That Into You or anything along those lines
  • The looks I've gotten from guys after perusing my bookshelves have ranged from horror to disgust to naked fear.  Four words: HAZARD. OF. THE. JOB.  In my defense, these ... uh ... literary works are sent to me unsolicited and FOR FREE.  Still.  Currently sitting on my desk in a giant pink & purple, about-to-topple-from-the-weight-of-desperation stack: "The Rules," "The Rules II," "Having an Affair?" "How to Understand Women through Their Cats," "If You Want Closure in Your Relationship, Start with Your Legs," "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown," "The MANual," "You Can't Have Him - He's Mine," "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single," "How to Marry a Multi-Millionaire," "Faking It," "Get Serious About Getting Married," "The Art of Seduction," "Sperm are from Men, Eggs are from Women."  The last one's actually pretty good.
  • Nair
  • Ha!  No.  Having shelled out big bucks (WORTH IT) for laser hair removal, I am now the proud owner of a more or less hairless body. 
  • Lite cottage cheese in the fridge
  • There's a beet/carrot juice from Liquiteria in my fridge right now because I'm too lazy to use my juicer.  That definitely counts.
  • Anything lite or diet around. Cases of Diet Coke. Weight Watchers 'Just 2 Points' bars
  • How about boxes and boxes of green tea bags?  I won't put Diet Coke - or any soft drink - into my body, nor that Weight Watcher's crap.  I'll do cookie crack, but not that shit.  I don't really drink anything but water and my beet-carrot juices.
  • Inspirational or thinspirational things on the fridge
  • I have a magnet that says "It's not who you marry that matters.  It's who you divorce."  It makes me smile every time I walk by it.
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