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Lindsay Lohan: Go Directly to Jail. Do Not Pass GO. Do Not Collect $200.

That's it.  I'm done.  DONE with any sympathy I might have once had for poor little Lindsay.  No more Barbara Walters' "she's a nice girl," "she's a good actress."  Not since I saw this last week.  Excuse me for a bit of moralistic outrage here, but being a good actress (and she is) DOES NOT EXCUSE PUTTING OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES AT RISK.  Period!  Look - she can drink and do drugs as much as she wants, for all I'm concerned.  That's her decision.  But the second she crosses that line - and it's a big one - that's it for excuses.

I was prepping for my CNN Glenn Beck segment later today, and asked my parents what they thought.

Mom: She needs to be spanked, grounded, and her allowance should be taken away.

Dad's suggestions come from the wisdom off the back of a cereal box (see below).

They then both offered to personally rehab Lindsay for 30k (what she's reportedly spending for 30 days of treatment).  I have to say, they'd probably set her straight.  After all, I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, go commando or drive under the influence.  Then again, I can't seem to stop eating sugar or posing for photographs.  I suppose everyone has their vices.

My favorite idea for Lindsay:?

"Work on a jigsaw puzzle."  Hell yeah!  Samantha Ronson would be so down for that.

In the meantime, I think this should be her new theme song ...

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