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October 21, 2007

Quote of the Day

"I've always thought that you would ruin the life of at least one very important person."
- my favorite high school ex-boyfriend, Dan, on the phone with me today.

Oh c'mon ... one?!?  Talk about aiming low.  I bet if I work at it, I can ruin THREE or FOUR VIP's lives!

October 20, 2007

Quote(s) of the Night

Watching Gossip Girls with Rachel Sklar over at the Huffington Post offices at 10 pm on Friday night ...

Rachel: They're supposed to be in high school.
Julia: They don't seem like they're in high school.  I wasn't like that in high school!
Rachel: I wasn't like that last week!!

Julia (about one of the characters): He's so funny!
Rachel: Uh ... it's scripted.

And from the actual show:  "You can't save a damsel if she loves her distress."

September 24, 2007

Quote of the Day

I'm not usually the "quote" type of person (I also don't forward "hilarious" chain emails.  It is one of my best qualities), but I ran across this today while cleaning out my overstuffed Ideas folder ... and I thought it was pretty dead on.  I'm not sure why exactly human beings expect to feel identically about their friends & lovers at every single moment, but perhaps the first step to combating this (and thus, the disappointment that arises when we're surprised by the natural ups and downs of our emotions, and those of our companions) is to simply realize it and accept it, and see how we feel the next day.

"When you love someone, you do not love them all the time in exactly the same way, from moment to moment.  It is an impossibility.  It is even a lie to pretend to.  And yet, this is exactly what most of us demand.  We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships.  We leap at the flow of time and resist in terror its ebb.  We are afraid it will never return.  We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible in life, as in love, is in growth, in fluidity in freedom.  The only real security is not owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even.  Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now.  For relationships, too, must be like islands.  One must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits islands surrounded and interrupted by the sea, continuously visited and abandoned by the tides.  Once must accept the serenity of the winged life, ebb and flow, of intermittency."
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

August 10, 2007

Quote of the Day

From last night:

Julia: I just want him to stare into my eyes and tell me he's never met anyone like me before.
Neff: Uh ... well ... he probably hasn't.  You are kinda unique.

August 09, 2007

Quote of the Day

Julia: It says here that Amanda Congdon's father was “the Duracell man in the 1980s."
Meghan: I think that's a step down from Mr. Clean.

- in SF, July 30, 2007

April 10, 2007

Back in NY Today (WOO!) with a New Motto

Gather ye rosebuds, bitches!

No, that's not a line from Party Girl, I made it up (in this month's COED sex column).  Well, sort of.  With some help from Robert Herrick.  Anyway, I think using "bitches" at the end really adds something.

And in case you're still unclear on just exactly what I'm getting at here, to paraphrase the indefatigable Nora Ephron: "If I knew how hot I was at 26, I'd have put on a damn bikini and not taken it off for the ENTIRE FREAKING year."

Gather ye rosebuds, bitches.  Gather ye rosebuds.

April 09, 2007

Another Reason to Love My Parents



From a dinnertime conversation at my house the other night ...

Mom: “He’s a little full of himself.”
Julia: “If I were that smart, I’d be full of myself too!”
Dad: “You are that full of yourself.  And you’re not that smart!”

sigh.

October 14, 2006

Fake Dictionary Time: More New Super Creative Terms of the Day!! Rahoo!!



The ideas for these are thanks to the same girl who thinks I could have fucked JFK.  For the record, she requested credit as my "extremely glamorous blonde transatlantic friend who attracts degrees like she attracts boys."

I would have gone with: "Ivy League Hizo."  ;)  Kidding, [name of girl], Kidding!!!

Anyway, the new terms for today are as follows (and yeah, they're brilliant):
Backlist, n.

1. Traditional Definition: Earlier books still in print.
2. New Definition: Stable of boys and/or exes who can be trotted out for sex/emotional comfort when no new men are available.

eg: I haven't met a new guy for like four months - good thing I have a solid backlist.  No classics, but sometimes it's nice to reissue titles rather than speeding through new acquisitions.

(Read this, using the second definition, obvi.)

Jumpers, n.


1. Guys who always have long-standing crushes on you, the kind where if you said 'jump' tomorrow they'd always say 'how high'
2. Also meaning 'old comfortable sweater' in the 'I am settling for mediocre sex and relationship kind of way and also tend to leave you in the closet and forget about you.'

eg: I'm way bummed no further correspondence from hot, smart boy, I am tot giving up and must resort to being pursued by jumpers - godawfully boring british guy named Frank who's also a phd and is like 31 and oh my god I will shoot myself if I have to go to drinks with him, and this horribly overzealous Italian manufacturing heir named Herbie who is awful and not cute and sent the most cringeworthy email about liking me.  Yuck.

And yes, the above was an actual quote from the overeducated blonde's email.  I swear to god.  Okay, except for the "yuck" part.  I added that (creative license).

October 12, 2006

Julia's New Made-Up Super Clever Word of the Day: Procrastalking

As you've probably noticed from my UBER-FANTASTIC and CRAZY-EXTENSIVE vocabulary, I get Dictionary.com's Word of the Day and have for the past four years.  (What?  Like you don't??)

Actually, my whole family does.  Sometimes we send each other emails trying to use that word in a sentence, but only if the word is really insulting.  (Although The Younger Brother claims Merriam-Webster's is far superior because of the audio pronunciation provided.  Whatever.  Of course, this is probably why I pronounced cacao "CA-COW" the other day.  Apparently that's not how you're supposed to say it.  Who knew??)

Anyway, the problem is that Dictionary.com is only helpful if you're into old, stodgy words like "aesthete," "fulsome," and "vertiginous."  Obviously those are pretty awesome words, but sometimes a girl has to mix it up a little.  That's why I signed up for UrbanDictionary.com's Word of the Day.  YEAH BITCHES! (I so love saying that.  I would say that after every sentence if I could.  YEAH. .. nevermind.)

Okay.  So.  UrbanDictionary's definitions are not, you know, those you might find in the "real" dictionary. But when I read them,  I feel hip ...  like a gangsta and a playa and all of those other terms that end in -a when they shouldn't.  And yeah, they've helped me figure out just what this "milkshake" is that Kelis uses to lure boys to her yard.

Since I was so inspired, I decided to create my own term today:

PROCRASTALKING, verb.

To delay or postpone actual work to cyber-stalk one's crush/current/ex/soon-to-be-ex.

eg. Yeah, I was totally procrastalking today - I had a column due, but I checked John's Facebook mini-feed 13 times!  And then I bloglined him!  I so have to disable my internet.

See also: procrasterbate



Lilly (as a puppy) procrastalked Langdon constantly instead of doing her reading.
Bad Lilly!

October 10, 2006

Quote of the Day



The following conversation is from a cocktail party last week, during which two lecherous, nasty, drunk shit-faced old men tried to get Me and Cute Blogger Girl to go home with them.

Me: "But I told him we were lesbians!"
Cute Blogger Girl: "That's not a deterrent.  That's a challenge."

DAMN!  Why don't I know things like this?

August 15, 2006

Overheard in Julia's Life

Bag on Your Head.gif

HIM: "I just told her she wasn't my type."
ME: "Really?"
HIM: "Well, I couldn't say she was PSYCHO!"